My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
