The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
