i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
