I wish I could teleport
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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