I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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