Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So here I am, sexting at work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
