is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
