i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
