she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
