you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
