The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
