theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
