I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
