Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
