so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
