wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
