So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
