Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
