I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
