you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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