please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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