I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
