her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize