Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
