i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
