yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
