I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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