is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
