Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
