i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
