SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
