Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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