woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your cock deserves a montage
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
