Yo dont text me then not text me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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