My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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