How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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