This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
