I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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