Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
