What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cockslap morals
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize