are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
