I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
