I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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