I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
