i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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