she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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