I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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