so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
