think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
