When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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