holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
