Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
