How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
