she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
