I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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