my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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