Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
