never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
