so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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