I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never underestimate the power of titties
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
