He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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