i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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