stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
