fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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