So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
