Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
