Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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