Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize