Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
