i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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