i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
