who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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