Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
