Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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