Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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