What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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