I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
