She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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