I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
