don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
