it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
