worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
