1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
