in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
