Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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