I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
